"Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent." ~Victor Hugo
I recently saw a bumper sticker that has caused me some reflection. It said "Musician: Driver has no cash." At first, it made me chuckle. Then, I began to think, why are we so dedicated to our craft despite the small chance of financial stability? As I have had a week full of rehearsals and a wonderful concert, I don't know that words can adequately explain why I personally will dedicate so much time to participating in musical endeavors. Nevertheless, I will give it a try.
This week, in rehearsal, we were playing Beethoven's 5th Symphony and there was a moment while rehearsing the 3rd movement that I got goosebumps on my arms. I felt the determination of the composer and the intensity of emotion all communicated perfectly.
Often, as a teenager, I would work through my emotions by playing the piano. I've never been one to be able to express my emotions, especially when lonely, sad, anxious, or depressed. Music has been an outlet for these emotions. I can remember spending an hour or two playing through all of the Mannheim Steamroller Interludes.
The most memorable experience occurred during my senior year at BYU. I was learning the Poulenc Sonata for Clarinet and was having trouble getting the emotion just right for the 2nd movement. The composer used the French words "tristamente" to describe a deep sense of grieving and longing, I was given the suggestion to write words to the melody. So, I did. I wrote a letter to my maternal grandfather. He passed away a few months before I began playing the clarinet. The experience was actually a deeply emotional and spiritually moving one. I felt connected to a grandfather I never really got to know. Since that experience, I have felt a great pull to follow in his footsteps and find as many opportunities to perform as I can.
So, to my fellow artists, dancers, and musicians, I know you understand. To those of you married to, or friends with, us crazy lot, thank you for putting up with our craziness. Know this, we are more sane when we have our outlet. I know that performing brings me sanity, energy, and a level of fulfillment that I do not feel in any other way. The great thing about music is that I know it can bring as much joy to those who are listening as it does to me when I am performing.
